The Well-Read Wife


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Kiki Overthinks Every Thing
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Kiki Overthinks Every Thing
July 29, 2005
No Jeans, No Polo Shirt, No Birkenstocks, No Service
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: The Retirement of the Wannabe Fashionista
As I hitched my knapsack onto my shoulder and re-laced my sneakers, I realized that becoming a parent has both its advantages and disadvantages. On the plus side, you get to tax write off. lol. On the second hand, you cannot dress hip, cool, or very fashionable anymore. And I'm not just talking about the cost of clothing either. It doesn't help either that I'm at a job working with the public and have to be on my feet often.

Last night, I was cleaning out my closet. Rather I was sorting out my closet. Heels, pointy-toe boots, and platform flip-flops? Hell no! How can you balance yourself on those shoes with a 15-lb baby dangling from your front carrier? Forget about the children's cannot do the hokey pokey in a pair of stilettos. (I actually need a sports bra to do that, now.)

Forget about dangly earrings, long necklaces, and ruffled blouses. If you like them you need to forget about them, because a 5 month old baby doesn't have the release reflex. A 5 month old baby has the grab, pull, shake, poop, pee, and drool reflex. A torn earlobe, a broken necklace and a ripped blouse is not worth the pain and repair of trying to look cute.

White pants? Ivory skirts? Fancy hose? *Sigh* It's all in the past now. Dirty books, sticky hands, and bookcases with snags put those dandy items in the hope chest. Also, try carrying a baby in one arm and trudging a dirty-wheeled stroller up 3 flights of subway stairs in white pants, an ivory skirt or fancy hose. There will be rips, tears, tire skid marks, and dirt splotches.

Showing cleavage? Better zip it up or baby will pull the girls out. Even worse, teenage boy patrons will keep looking down your blouse. The worst, you'll make the Hokey Pokey the most obscene song ever with your boobs bouncing up and down with every shake. Can we say "put your left tit in?"

Six years ago I had no style. I dressed corporate. I changed jobs, reinvented myself. Navy blue slacks, pinstripe blouses, wool blazers and black oxfords were given to the charity Dress for Success. Over the course of 5 years, I paid attention to fashion and make-up. By last count, I had over 60 pairs of shoes including 4 pairs of faux Ugg Boots, 3 pairs of black heeled boots, 2 pairs of mock-croc loafers in pink and red, a pair of bright green pumps, a pair of tweed pumps and a pair of leather kitten heel sandals with a yellow seahorse patchwork. I don't know what happen, but aside from the sneakers, none of those shoes are relevant to my lifestyle anymore. Neither are my purses because they can't fit baby baby bottles, diapers, and the least issue of In Style magazine.

What should I do? Do I need to simplify my wardrobe and donate all my fancy shoes to Dress to Success or another worthy charity? I dunno. It's a slippery slope. I don't want to be that dull dresser I was before. Yet, how stylish can you be in sensible shoes and wash-n-wear shirts?

At least I can still rock my eye glitter and red lipstick.

Posted by Kiki Shoes at 4:58 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: July 30, 2005 5:10 PM EDT

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