Every Step You Make, I'll Be Watching Mood:
caffeinated Now Playing: Tayrn Rose Shoes Topic: Beauty Thoughts & Reviews
If there was ever in my life when I seriously, seriously desired and considered parting with more than $100 for a pair of shoes, these patent leather wedges below by Tayrn Rose would be the pair to do it. I am incredibly frugal and cheap. The most expensive pair of shoes I own is a pair of black Timberland winter boots that I've had for nearly a decade. The second most expensive pair are a pair of black knee high Bandolino boots I got from DSW for $70.
While on vacation in Florida, I visited one of the outlet malls. Normally, I don't get excited for trips to the outlet mall because 1. the stores rarely carry my size and 2. the prices are still too expensive for me. However, a trip to Saks Off 5th with my sister in law and mother in law proved to be a fruitful trip. I racked up on some pretty costume jewelry earrings that were marked way, way done. (They were marked $17.99 but had a red tag, and I was able to get it for an extra 50% off!) I was also able to try on, strut around in, skip, bounce, jump, prance, and sashay in a pair of 3" wedges without feeling off-balance, uncomfortable or in pain. As a matter of fact, I was so comfy in the shoes that I could have ran out the store with them on my feet.
But, I chose not to shoplift in the presence of my mother-in-law. lol. On Zappos.com, these Taryn Rose wedges are on sale for $231. At Saks' outlet store, they were $242. I could not pony up that much money (or credit card) without extreme buyers' remorse or a huge fight with my husband. So, I'm a bit of mourning.However, I will bookmark these shoes and continue to look at them daily because I found something that I never thought I could find: high heels that I could walk, dance, and work in without pain.
Fashion Extremes Mood:
a-ok Now Playing: Marie Claire Hurt Me, Hurt Me! Topic: Beauty Thoughts & Reviews
I am a fashion moderate--stuck in the middle of several different styles. I am a mash up of looks. I'm neither a sex pot nor am I androgynous like Tilda Swinton. I prefer pants over dresses, and consider myself more Katherine Hepburn than Audrey Hepburn but I do have my girlie girl accotruments like lip gloss, dangly earrings and manicured toes. I am a New York City girl with a strong penchant for wearing black and other neutrals, but I do love my colors. For example, I rock a baby blue peacoat in the winter and a red fur Kangol newsboy cap in the fall. (I even have turquoise shoes and a pair of orange sandals!)
So, with all these fashion ingredients that make up my syle, I was utterly baffled and scared by the extreme and singular fashions featured in the August 2009 issue of Marie Claire magazine (U.S. version). (It was as terrifying and domineering as MC's fashion director Nina Garcia's television persona.) There was a fashion spread featuring all black and hardware laden shoes and purses. Another fashion story revealed a growing trend (I hope not) of studded accesories that makes Pinhead from the movie Hellraiser look downright cuddly. $700 leather gloves covered in safety pins? Round toe flats with pointy grommets? Really? Into S&M much?
Check out the Iron Maiden pictorial on page 36; the frightening shoe hybrids on page 44; and the letters C (chains), G (grommets), M (metal heels) and Z (zippers) in the A to Z accessories story.
I am wondering why there's extremism in the August issue? Are these harsh accesories supposed to protect us from the harshness of the recession. Perhaps it is a backlash agsint the feminine yet classic fashions of first lady Mrs. O? Probably a little from all of the above. But no thank you MC. I'll stick to my tomboyish slacks, ultra fem blouses and bright colors.
Yesterday, we lost one of the world’s greatest musical entertainers. He was a beloved child performer who grew up to be a premiere pop artist.Personal scandals and relationships aside, Michael Jackson was brilliant shining star. He entertained us and he enlightened us. He gave us songs to dance to and songs to weep to. Even when we made fun of his unique sense of style—the one glove and the white sparkly socks & black penny loafers, we (somewhat) secretly tried to emulate his style. (In middle school I wore white slouch socks and black penny loafers, and had a glossy photograph of Michael Jackson taped inside the back cover of my assignment notebook.)
To say I grew up with Michael Jackson’s music would be an understatement. There wasn’t a time in my life, from when I was an infant, that Michael Jackson’s music wasn’t in my life. My age 5, my brother and I used dance around singing“ABC, it’s easy as 123….” I even vaguely remember my brother I creating a dance routine to one of the Jackson 5’s songs and performing it for our mom. We watched the Jacksons’ variety show as a family, and thought it superior than Cher & Sonny’sor the Donnie & Marie’s shows. (Not to know those variety shows, because we liked them too.) How about the Jacksons’ cartoon? I’m pretty sure the Harlem Globetrotters guest appeared on it at least once. Lol.
Anything related to Michael Jackson was required viewing in my household. It was a night for family time around the TV. Michael Jackson brought us together. I remember when The Wiz premiered on television, my aunt, grandmother, brother and I gathered around the television set. We snickered at how old Diana Ross was too old to play innocent Dorothy but we loved MJ as the lovable & brainless scarecrow. The movie was heralded for it’s Technicolor New York sets but we had a black & white television. We had to imagine the rainbow colors. My aunt, in an attempt to provide color, draped a rainbow color scarf over the television!
We waited until 1 a.m. for the Thriller video premiere. Bad, Black & White, and Remember the Time videos were also memorable moments in my home.
However, the most memorable television moment had to be Michael Jackson performing at the 25th Anniversary Motown special. At that time, MJ was no longer on Motown and there had been rumors about whether or not he would even perform. (BUT HE HAS TOO!) When he came out with those smooth moves, tossing the hat into the audience, and singing “Billie Jean,” we were in awe. But when he started moonwalking, a dance move we had never seen before, we lost it! We started screaming, jumping up and dance, clapping and high-fiving. We called friends and family. “Yo, did you see Michael?” The next day at school, we couldn’t talk about anything else.When’s the last time the whole of society had shared such one common television memory—same show, same time, same channel? Michael Jackson unified us. He seared himself into our collective consciousness with his talent.
From squeaky clean Motown tunes to rarely played funky foot stompers to discofied dance hits to touching ballads to cross over R&B and Pop music, Michael Jackson crossed genres, generations, races, nations, and socioeconomic status. He was born a little poor black boy in a town that is still basically poor to grow up to become our very own King of Pop. There will never another like him nor would I want there be another Michael.
I love you Michael Jackson. Thank you. Despite what they said about you, I always believed that you were pure and good at heart.
The 1st prize is Hello Kitty mini nail kit, earrings, 2 MAC sample pigments in circa plum and vanilla, lancome lipstick in vintage rose, lancome mini definicils HD mascara, lancome mini booster xl mascara base, 2 lancome sample packet of Primordiale serum/moisturizer, lancome leopard makeup bag + more extra goodies :
The 2nd prize is Hello kitty mini nail set, earrings, 2 Rimmel eyeshadow duos and a pink makeup bag + more extra goodies!:
Easy access to these freebies if you are 1. Subscriber to Lauren's blog 2. Must be crazy in love with make up! 3. You need to repost this on your blog and then leave Lauren a comment below saying that you want in on the give aways and 4. Tell your blog friends about it, put a link back to Lauren's blog!
More Contest Fun Mood:
not sure Now Playing: Nurse Mommy Contest
SWAK Designs is a very cool eStore featuring hip and fashionable plus-size clothing. SWAK is short for Sealed With A Kiss, and they describe themselves as trendy affordable plus size fashions up to a size 6X. (The accompanying SWAK blog is also very inspirational.) Fan and fellow blogger, Paige of Nurse Mommy, is offering a contest where you can win beautiful ombre scarf from SWAK Designs.
Pros: Good Fit, Comfortable, Nice Colors, Soft, Breathable
Best Uses: Everyday, Sleepwear
Describe Yourself: Comfort Driven
I absolutely love the comfort bloomers, because it makes it possible for me to wear skirts and dresses in the summer time without "chub rub." I used to wear bike shorts and shapers, but they were hot and uncomfortable. I didn't want to wear split skirts anymore nor did I want to spend the whole summer wearing light weight pants that covered my legs. These bloomers fit over my regular panties; aren't tight; are breathable; are comfortable; and the elastic doesn't cut into my thighs. The only downside is they do slide up a bit when walking but not so much so that you feel like you're wearing a diaper or have to constantly pull it down.
(The sizing is also easy. Just chose your panty size!)
If It Is Free, It Is For Me Mood:
mischievious Now Playing: The Big Bloggerversary Contest for ELF Cosmetics Topic: Beauty Thoughts & Reviews
Within the past two weeks, I got a full size cKone perfume and body lotion set; a 2 ounce bottle of Chole perfume; and an eco-friendly skincare line including a full size jar of eye cream/moisturizer, lip balm, and face reviver. I love coming home and opening packages to find free free and usable items for me. The downside was that I don't remember entering contests for any of those products. I vaguely remember a contest for the eco-friendly skincare line, but I couldn't tell you from which blog, magazine, or prodcut site I entered. I am a fashion and beauty contest addict. I only keep entering, several times a day, because I ocassionally win. One of the first things I do when I get on the computer at work each day is go to BeautyBlitz.com and enter their daily giveaway. I'm starting to feel a bit guilty with my giveaway successes.
Oh well, guilt or no guilt, here's a link to a new giveaway I'm entering. You should give it a try!
Hair Begone Now Playing: Review of Sally Hanen's Spray On and Shower Off Hari Remover Topic: Beauty Thoughts & Reviews
I don't know if I've mentioned it to you before, but Moi is one hairy woman. There is not one area of my body that doesn't have excess hair. I'm always looking for ways to remove hair from my legs, bikini line, chin, jaw, neck, eyebrows, arm pits, and toes. (EWWW, yes toes.) Mostly, I get anything on my face waxed and use a safety razor & electric clippers for everything else. It is time consuming especially when you're planning to hang out on the beach. (Normally, I only shave my legs up to the knees.) By some luck of the cheapie gods, I found Sally Hansen's spray on/shower off hair remover on sale 50% off at Walgreens. I had seen ads for it last year, but since I don't like to spend money, I resisted trying it.
The product promises to be remove hair and stubble after 3-minutes; to have be drip free; and smell like vanilla. It also to spray on at any angle. It lived up to its promise except for smelling like vanilla. It smelled like eye-burning chemicals and my bathroom stank of it even after I rinsed off the product. I sprayed my entire legs from hip to ankle, and waited the minimum three minutes. (My hair is naturally coarse, and I usually wait the maximum amount of time for chemical hair removers but I did only 3 minutes because I didn't do a spot test for an allergic reaction.)
Aside from the smell, the product did work. It rinsed off easily without my rubbing it off with a washcloth and it removed 90% of my leg hair. It probably would have been more if I had left it on for another minute or two. I plan on using it on my armpits as well, because I look to have the smooth pits. It's my thang. I will probably buy this product again in the future even when it isn't on sale.
Spring Wrap Up Mood:
on fire Now Playing: My brief reviews and rage
Why is it that every time I write a long post where I bring you up to speed, I aways accidently close the fucking window before I save it? Fuck. I'm so angry. I"ve been working on this post for an hour. I had video game reviews, nail polish views, blog mentions, book reviews, and dvd reviews. It was written so eloquently too. Shit.
Well, here is quick and dirty:
1. Star Trek: Want to see still haven't seen.
2. Terminator:Salvation: Want to see but will wait until video.
3. Wii and Wii Fit: Love it, use it 3 times a week! It's a video game system for women and girls who hate video games.
4. The Secret Life of Bees was hokey and a bit shallow.
5. Taken was over the top fun.
6. Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere is a kick-ass book that will get your fat activisim and self-love into gear.
7. Who You Calling Fat? The First Fat Fiction Anthology includes gems and clunkers. Borrow from your library.
8. I'm eschewing the matte pastel nail polish trend of summer and sticking with dark and shiny colors like Sally Hansen's Xtreme nail color in Gun Metal and Emerald City.
9. I've become a nail polish and mani-pedi fiend by subscribingn to such fun blogs like Getcha Nails Did on blogspot.
not sure Now Playing: X-Men Origins: Wolverine Topic: Movie Reviews
There are probably very few comic book heroes that evoke such a fanatic following and worship as Wolverine a.k.a. Weapon X a.k.a. Logan. In the Marvel Pantheon, he must rank in at least the top 3. Wolverine existed for nearly 25+ years in the comic book world before they even delved deeply into his origins. So, you can imagine the problems that 20th Century Fox and Hugh Jackman must have had in bringing such a legendary character to the screen. X-Men Origins: Wolverine is going to be a polarizing film to the most hardcore fans to the passer bys.
Since joining the X-men franchise nearly ten years ago, Hugh Jackman has done justice to the Canadian-born, cigar chomping, enigmatic anti-hero. Jackman and Liev Schreiber do a good job of bringing some emotional depth to the mutant brothers Jimmy and Victor (Jackman and Schreiber respectively), who grow-up to become Wolverine and Sabretooth. Most superhero movies are not successful in bringing 30, 40 or 50 years of characterization to the screen without weighing down the action that the movie going audiences want to see. Spider-Man 1 and 2 and Batman Begins is a perfect example of how to create that balance. Superman Returns is an example of how not to do it.X-men Origins: Wolverine errs on the side of conventionality, and gives you a straight story without plowing too deeply into souls of Wolverine and Sabretooth. They give you just enough to set up the action.
Aside from Jackman and Schreiber, the acting is a little stilted especially from Black Eyed Peas rapper Will.I.Am as a teleporting mutant. (Ryan Reynolds is perfect as the sarcastic, buff and crazy mutant swordsman.) Luckily, Schreiber is the one who gets to deliver the best lines and sneers. Unlike most summer blockbusters, this flick doesn’t weigh itself down too heavily in CGI, car crashes, and aerial dynamics. Most of the action is the hand to hand (or is it claw to claw?), and it is easy to follow. Most action movies nowadays have a blinding number of action sequences that are harder to follow than the spin-offs of Marvel X-men comics.
Jackman and Ryan Reynolds give a nice show of their chiseled bods (WOO HOO!), and a luscious lipped actress Lynn Collins give the lads something to fantasize about when the fighting is done. The lack of emotional connection that made me a fan of the X-men comics and the first two X-men movies left me with a bit of a hollow feeling. Hugh Jackman can do no wrong, and even his worst movies are still entertaining. And, Wolverine is still my favorite anti-hero.
Getting to the Sole of my Habit Mood:
happy Now Playing: My Growing Shoe Collection Topic: Beauty Thoughts & Reviews
I think I may have a problem. It started when I was 16 years-old, and I was allowed to start buying my own school clothes. I started buying cute shoes. They were a pair of black patent pointy-toed flats with a black & white polka dot bows on the front. It was very 1989. It got a lot of compliments. I wore them on my 17th birthday although it was raining buckets. The shoe beast was born!
During my freshmen year of college, I had a part-time job where I made $70 every two weeks. I’d buy two weeks of tokens for $20; $5 lunch for the day; a cassette tape or casi-single from Tower Records ($8) or a mix-tape from the street ($5); and a pair of shoes on sale from Fayva—my cheap shoe haven until Payless Shoe Source started popping up. (Sometimes I went to some of the junior chain stores like Rainbow Shops, Strawberry, and Joyce Leslie.) Some of the shoes were cute. Some of them were functional. Some of them hurt my feet. Didn’t matter, because I had new shoes.
As I got older and started making more money, I continued to buy shoes. They were a little more fashionable; a little more expensive; and a little more comfortable. When my self-esteem was low and my weight was up, I could always buy a new pair of shoes. Shoes always fit. Shoes never made me look or feel fat. Some women color their hair, and others buy lipstick. My picker-upper is shoes.
I’m an equal opportunity shoe whore. I’ll buy from department stores, chain stores, discount stores, and 99-cent stores. I’ll take barely worn shoes from sister-in-laws; friends; family and co-workers. A new pair of shoes is the bomb if they are cute, they fit, and they’re FREE!!! I’ve even won a pair of shoes from Us Magazine—Dr. Scholl’s famous exercise sandals.
My love affair with shoes is 20-years strong and a source of comic fodder for my family. My grandmother calls me Imelda Marcos. My husband laughs at my desire to have a $1 million shopping spree at DSW (Designer Shoe Warehouse). But, my girls love my shoes. They love to play with them, wear them during dress up, and sometimes chose shoes for me to wear. My favorite thing is when I buy a new pair of shoes (or boots), and my oldest daughter sees them for the first time. She will squeal with delight, the only way a 4-year-old can, and say “Mommy, they’re boooooty-full.” (She will say that even if it is a simple pair of thongs.)
Recently, I answered a poll question on blog about how many shoes did I own. I counted in my head, sure that I was accurate, and came up with 50-pairs of shoes. Then early this week, the rod in my closet broke and I had to clean up and reorganize my closet. I found 3 more pairs of shoes that I had forgotten I had. This morning, I dug in my big plastic bin of summer shoes to grab a pair of sandals to celebrate the warm weather. In it, I found two more pairs of shoes that I had forgotten I owned. WOW! Within a week, I had found five pairs of shoes. Just as I was lamenting that I didn’t have enough money to raid the latest Payless BOGO (buy one, get one 50% off) sale and indulge in their new eco-friendly line, I discover 5 new pairs of shoes. How fortunate? Am I fortunate?
I suppose I am fortunate because some people don’t have any shoes. But then again, maybe I am a bit unfortunate. Don’t laugh. The people who work at Payless have to eat too.
The Shoe Count:
12 pairs of boots: 3 leather-esque knee high; 3 pairs of faux Uggs; 1 pair of wellies; 2 pairs of ankle boots; 1 pair of Timberlands; 1 pair of snow boots; and 1 pair of faux suede boots. (And I still want the quintessential pair equestrian boots.)
11 pairs of flats: 2 lace-up oxfords; 4 pairs of nursing clogs/faux Crocs; 1 pair of patent leopard print peep toe; 1 pair of pink pointy toe; 2 ballet flats; and 1 pair of UNC blue sneaker mules
6 pairs of sneakers: 2 pairs of trainers; 1 ath-leisure; and 3 pairs of “skips” (and planning to buy 2 more!).
6 pairs of heels: 1 red; 1 camel; 2 black; and 1 stripper pair (6 inch heels!)
13 pairs of sandals: 1 novelty pair; 2 heeled; 1 wedge; 2 Birkenstocks; 5 flat pairs; 1 flip-flop; and 1 gladiator (which I’m looking to update)
Wow, that’s damn near 60 pairs and I’m not even counting my “house shoes.”Boy, I was off in my original estimation. Perhaps it is time for me to chill. Do I really need more? No. Do I really want more? HELL YES!
Bring on the Damn Popcorn Mood:
chatty Now Playing: Summer Movie Previews Topic: Movie Reviews
In 1999, the release of the Matrix pushed up the start of the blockbuster summer movie season to the beginning of May instead of Memorial Day weekend. So, in about two weeks it will be summer movie time although the weather in New York will still be very much fall like. However, to hell with temperatures. I'm ready for my Summer Blockbusters. Below I've made a list of the movies I can't wait to see in the theaters. Chime in and let me know what you're waiting to see.
X-Men Origins:Wolverine: featuring my favorite film and stage honey Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber, whom my intellect finds sexy.
Star Trek: Because they’re taking a chance with the franchise and the trailer looked hot. Not to mention, I love the Details magazine coverline “Eric Bana Makes Capt. Kirk His Bitch.” (In my heart, I’ve always been a sci-fi movie/Star Trek freak.)
Terminator Salvation: Because I love Christian Bale, and I’ve seen all of the Terminator movies. I’ve grown up with the franchise, but I still might wait until video.
Up: I love Pixar movies, and I really liked the trailer. Finally, I have two small kids and they need to see some summer movies too. (Induct them early into my favorite pastime.)
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: One of my favorite Harry Potter books, and I’m hoping it will be my favorite Harry Potter movies. I’ll probably rent this one, though.
Maybe-Maybe Not in the Theater:
Funny People: It’s written and directed by Judd Apatow who made two of the funniest movies this decade. It has a cast I absolutely adore—Adam Sandler, Eric Bana, Seth Rogen, and Jason Schwartzman. The trailer is funny as all get out. I think Adam Sandler is brilliant when he is in a semi-serious role, and I don’t think Judd Apatow hasn’t peaked yet.
Public Enemies: It’s directed by Michael Mann, who hasn’tmade amovie I’ve connected with since Manhunter starring CSI’s William Peterson. His movies should be good and I usually watch them to the end, like Miami Vice, Heat, and Collateral, but I’m always left cold. Not to mention, the film’s trailer reminds me too much of The Untouchables (one of my favorite gangster movies of all times) and Bonnie and Clyde. But, it does star Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, and the severely underrated Billy Crudup. (I watched Almost Famous for the first time this year, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of Billy Crudup. I didn’t want to watch a scene unless he was in it. I kept asking myself, who is this actor? When I saw his name in the trailer, I was like “of course.”)
Movies I’m Guaranteeing Will Suck:
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen will suck because the first one was horrid, so the sequel is guaranteed to be worst.
G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra because I’m sick of movies made from cartoons from my youth. I hope it is good, but I think it might suck because the director isn’t that great.
Best Uses: Church, Casual Wear, Wear To Work, Night Out
Describe Yourself: Casual Dresser
Comfort vs Style: Comfort Driven
I was looking for an attractive black skirt to wear in the spring and summer months, and this JG Hook skirt caught me eye. I was immediately drawn to the non-functional buttons because it gave the skirt a nautical feel that I like. I imagine wearing it with a crisp white or red blouse to work or church.
The gold buttons make it hard for this skirt to be as versatile as I had hoped. Also, the buttons, although just for decoration, feel lose as though one brush against a door and they would fall off.
The fit is fine although it flares out more than it does in the picture. It isn't as straight as it is pictured. It's is a bit of a blah skirt.
Once you receive the skirt, immediately iron it or have it pressed because it arrived quite wrinkled.
Denim Essentials. Four fabulous-fit stretch denim bottoms you'll love to live in all year long. All with easy elastic waists. Cotton/spandex. Machine wash. Imported. Back elastic-waist skirt with fly-look stitch detailing. Side pockets and back vent. 23" long.
Pros: Practical, Business casual, Work-to-weekend, Wrinkle Resistant, Comfortable
Cons: A LITTLE LONG
Best Uses: Casual Wear, Wear To Work
Describe Yourself: Casual Dresser
Comfort vs Style: Comfort Driven
I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the skirt since I hadn't paid a lot for it. I was also surprised at how well it fit in the waist since in my previous experiences with JL that waists of the skirts and pants were always a bit too tight.
The skirt was wonderful to wear without tights on a a recent warm day. I wore it with a button up shirt and sneakers to do errands with my small children. They didn't ride up, twist around, or slip in anyway. The pockets were useful. I was able to fit my cell phone in my pocket securely. It didn't slip out at all even though I was walking a lot and going up and down subway steps while carrying a stroller.
I had been searching for months for a simple all-purpose A-line denim skirt that was neither too wide or too tight, and without silly embellishments. Hey, I am going to be 37 this year, I don't want a bedazzled butt.
I can see myself wearing this skirt year around with sandals, sneakers, and boots with tights. Also looks incredible for a business casual look with a polo and a cardigan.
My caveats are that the skirt hits me a bit below the knees (I'm 5'4") and that there are no belt loops. It fits fine now, but if I were to lose a few pounds I'd be stuck with a too big skirt.
1 [Middle English attricioun, from Medieval Latin attrition-, attritio, from Latin] : sorrow for one's sins that arises from a motive other than that of the love of God
2: the act of rubbing together :friction ; also: the act of wearing or grinding down by friction
3: the act of weakening or exhausting by constant harassment, abuse, or attack <a war of attrition>
4: a reduction in numbers usually as a result of resignation, retirement, or death <a company with a high rate of attrition>
My faithful readers, Moi apologizes for not blogging much since the Oscars since it looked like I was on a tear for much of January and February. I've been quite distracted with the Rihanna and Chris Brown relationship and the proposed budget cuts in New York City. As you may remember, I'm a librarian at one of the public libraries. I'm also about to become the mother of a pre-schooler (starting in September), so cuts to libraries and schools effect me very personally and not in a rhetorically way.
See our local news station reports about the Mayor's proposed budget cuts. (I think it is quite funny that they chose an upwardly mobile white woman who lives in one of the most expensive neighborhoods in New York City to complain about the possible cuts of service. Probably because Black, Hispanic, Latino, Asian, and older white people don't have as much political pull. Okay, I'll stop pulling the race card for now.)
I did become less queasy about Rihanna and Chris Brown yesterday after watching Extra (my new guilty pleasure) last night. They television tab reported that the reported duet Chris and Rihanna were working on together had been recorded months ago. They also reported that the couple are no longer together, and that Rihanna has been out and about on the town without her alleged abuser. Let's hope she gets the help she needs and doesn't go back to him. *sigh*